Candy Makes Me Happy

ok so im tired of every other person coming up to me and whining about their life and problems. im sick hearing how any person who doesnt accept your friend request on facebook is stupid or gay and how everything just blows. i realise that at times things dont go your way and that life can just be a bitch. but lack of new friends to stalk on facebook or speeding fines are hardly anything to complain about. i mean if you come off as a creep on social networking websites or if you drive like lindsay lohan jacked up on cocaine, then its really you whose at fault. if you really wanna throw a tantrum about something, make sure its something any of fucking relevance, like samuel l jackson !

personally, my secret to happiness is candy. any kind will do. hand me a jumbo pack of m&m's and good for the next hour or so. it has also been pointed out to me that at times i bitch and moan about random things, so ive decided to lead by example. yes, its true, im going to enjoy all the crapiness in the world. and just to prove it, heres a list of a few things that will make me happy:

celebrity gossip (magazines): ofcourse i want to know which of the jonas brothers' is gay ? and i certainly want to know which celebrity has shaved off his/her head after coming off a 4 day bender.

brown bread: its healthy and tastes just like dry grass. AWESOME !!

energy drinks: pssht ! whats one more thing to remind me that i need help in getting the basic daily tasks done.

dane cook: anyone whose comedy routine involves going on about how women lie while drinking kool-aid is amazing. period.

twilight: a vampire movie with no sex and violence ? sign me up for the sequel !

orange popsicles: one word- YUMMERS !

coldplay: so what all their songs sound the same? why waste time listening to the entire album, when just one song will do. thats time management at its peak. abso-fucking-lutely genius !!

modern day pirates: sure they might not use cutlasses and sing and make merry late into the night, but they sure try hard. and thts all that matters, damnit !

samuel l jackson: all he wants to know if how those motherfucking snakes got on the plane and how to kill them. give the guy a break !

nicolas cage: im glad he has taken all this acting ability and focused on making one movie for the rest of his career. the type where hes in a race against time, he needs to get to the truth, hes on his own and no one believes him and a bunch of explosions happen. thats brilliant ! who wants to go to the movies and waste brain cells trying to figure out complicated movie plots ? not me !

american idol: all those kids want to do is sing their hearts out, and make simon happy. come on !

ok, who the fuck am i kidding here ? all the above suck harder than a hooker working the las vegas strip ! now, wheres that pack of m&m's ?