Talk To Me

ok so its no secret that we live in world that is full of annoying idiots, where people throw virtual sheep at you on a daily basis and talk to you about their baseless dreams. and by dreams i dont mean those where you'd want to work like a maniac, buy your own private island and retire at the ripe age of 27. no. i mean those dreams where they tell you about being chased around by 20 feet cheese-monster wearing diapers. now this may seem really trivial compared to whats happening elsewhere around the world. but THIS crap affects me directly. on a daily basis. and its killing me in babysteps.

i dont ask for a lot. but i think its time i spoke out against drivel. drivel like:

-drama tv shows: i dont care if chuck bass is both a sweetheart and an asshole and i could care less if gabrielle solis was a hoochie. so stop giving me recaps of shitty shows i dont watch for a reason.

-fancy cellphones: i dont care if your cellphone has gps navigation. the very fact that youre lost in the first place proves that youre not a man. i dont care if android is best thing ever since powdered wigs or if your cellphone comes with builtin night vision and translates your speech into the finnish language. listening to you ramble on about your fancy new phone just reminds me about listening to techno-bullshit jargon on an episode of star trek.

“Oh Captain… I canna start the warp drive because the dylithum crystals were drained by the flux capacitor when we passed through the wormhole.”

-songs as ringtones: ok so, ringtones are for girls. for girls who jump 10 feet in the air like a 3 year old chinese gymnast whenever their 'favourite 'jam' comes on the radio. yes, rocketeer is a good song but you dont need to pretend to be a spaceship everytime your phone rings. stfu and answer your phone already.

-energy drinks: dont be telling me how you HAVE to have a 750ml can of a popular brand of energy drink at 2pm every day. its not impressive. its quite the opposite. because, you are in fact admitting to being so useless that you need a can of artificial fruit-flavoured crap to help you get on with your day. if you really cant make it through a day without being sleepy, then do the manly thing and snort 10 lines pure Afghan cocaine laced with grounded coffee grains and a little bit of crystal meth.

thank you.