ok so its no secret that we live in world that is full of annoying idiots, where people throw virtual sheep at you on a daily basis and talk to you about their baseless dreams. and by dreams i dont mean those where you'd want to work like a maniac, buy your own private island and retire at the ripe age of 27. no. i mean those dreams where they tell you about being chased around by 20 feet cheese-monster wearing diapers. now this may seem really trivial compared to whats happening elsewhere around the world. but THIS crap affects me directly. on a daily basis. and its killing me in babysteps.
i dont ask for a lot. but i think its time i spoke out against drivel. drivel like:
-drama tv shows: i dont care if chuck bass is both a sweetheart and an asshole and i could care less if gabrielle solis was a hoochie. so stop giving me recaps of shitty shows i dont watch for a reason.
-fancy cellphones: i dont care if your cellphone has gps navigation. the very fact that youre lost in the first place proves that youre not a man. i dont care if android is best thing ever since powdered wigs or if your cellphone comes with builtin night vision and translates your speech into the finnish language. listening to you ramble on about your fancy new phone just reminds me about listening to techno-bullshit jargon on an episode of star trek.
“Oh Captain… I canna start the warp drive because the dylithum crystals were drained by the flux capacitor when we passed through the wormhole.”
-songs as ringtones: ok so, ringtones are for girls. for girls who jump 10 feet in the air like a 3 year old chinese gymnast whenever their 'favourite 'jam' comes on the radio. yes, rocketeer is a good song but you dont need to pretend to be a spaceship everytime your phone rings. stfu and answer your phone already.
-energy drinks: dont be telling me how you HAVE to have a 750ml can of a popular brand of energy drink at 2pm every day. its not impressive. its quite the opposite. because, you are in fact admitting to being so useless that you need a can of artificial fruit-flavoured crap to help you get on with your day. if you really cant make it through a day without being sleepy, then do the manly thing and snort 10 lines pure Afghan cocaine laced with grounded coffee grains and a little bit of crystal meth.
thank you.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Call Them Peter Pan
Ok so I can tolerate a lot of things. It might not seem that way, but i can. I can live with kids and men across the country suddenly wearing Real Madrid jerseys and partying like puberty came early everytime "their" team wins a match. I can sort of appreciate women spending 45 minutes to get ready, even if it is just to go to the local store and buy a couple of vegetables. I can understand men wearing their jeans a little low showing their boxers to the whole world. I can even understand the medical reasoning behind air kissing people everytime you meet them.
But the one thing that always gets me is the fitted hat. The fitted hat has become a common sight out in the streets and in the malls. I guess that's one more thing I should be thankful to rappers for sexy-fying, other than wearing shades whilst indoors and doing heroin.
Now I might be completely wrong here but I always thought the whole purpose of a hat was to provide shade and protection from the sun. So doesn't having a completely flat visor beat that whole purpose and make you question the use and existence of the fitted hit in general? I sure think so. And turning the hat a little to the side so that the visor only now covers half your face- what is the logic behind that?
Throw in a sweatband along with a rubber wristband and you've got a real Grade-A douche. Pop-up those shirt collars too, while you're at it.
Following all these fashion trends is fine as long as you're a teen, living at home with your parents. But I do think its taking it a little too far if you're a 20-something 'man' who is STILL living at home with your parents. Perhaps its time to trade in the bermuda shorts and stark white tennis shoes for a pair of chinos and a neck tie.
In the words of Orlando McGuire, “In this day and age, the mass majority turn 18 and think they're a man or a woman and that's it. But that's just not true. You have to establish your manhood or your womanhood with actions.”
However, I'd like to think that majority usually just means that all the fools are on the same side.
But the one thing that always gets me is the fitted hat. The fitted hat has become a common sight out in the streets and in the malls. I guess that's one more thing I should be thankful to rappers for sexy-fying, other than wearing shades whilst indoors and doing heroin.
Now I might be completely wrong here but I always thought the whole purpose of a hat was to provide shade and protection from the sun. So doesn't having a completely flat visor beat that whole purpose and make you question the use and existence of the fitted hit in general? I sure think so. And turning the hat a little to the side so that the visor only now covers half your face- what is the logic behind that?
Throw in a sweatband along with a rubber wristband and you've got a real Grade-A douche. Pop-up those shirt collars too, while you're at it.
Following all these fashion trends is fine as long as you're a teen, living at home with your parents. But I do think its taking it a little too far if you're a 20-something 'man' who is STILL living at home with your parents. Perhaps its time to trade in the bermuda shorts and stark white tennis shoes for a pair of chinos and a neck tie.
In the words of Orlando McGuire, “In this day and age, the mass majority turn 18 and think they're a man or a woman and that's it. But that's just not true. You have to establish your manhood or your womanhood with actions.”
However, I'd like to think that majority usually just means that all the fools are on the same side.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Another Title Bites The Dust
within a country that is plagued with corruption, poverty, crime, division over caste and religious sects, cricket is still that lone aspect that brings us all together as a single nation. and that is why we place our cricketers on a pedestal. but i think its high time we started questioning this thinking.
Glueinthedark says that this is the team's work, life, leisure. basically their whole world, and that we should cut them some slack. sadly, i disagree for if that were really true, then it would show in the way they played the game. the only comprehensive victory was in the opening game, that too against bangladesh- a team considered inferior to ours.
if our team really did spend considerable time preparing for this tournament, then the top batting line would click rather than fall (or rather collapse) after accumulating a meagre amount of runs. butt displayed the only sign of consistency in a batting line-up that is regarded as an expert in this format of the game. and ironically, butt wasnt even considered as for being part of the squad during the initial team selection process.
alright fine, ill give in to the fact that batting might not have been our strength as of late. and one could find some comfort with the likes of sami, asif, amer, tanvir, gul forming our bowling attack. yet, pakistan chose to sport a predominantly spin line-up. where new zealand's pace bowlers troubled pakistan with bouncers and short-pitched bowls, afridi and hafeez got clobbered for runs. surprisingly, razzaq went for the least amount of runs and he hasnt even been a stable part of the team lately. so where does all this time the team spent preparing for the tournament show ?
well the logical guess would be in their fielding. and that would be a very smart guess, considering the average age of the squad being around the mid-20s. but where the old and aged of other nations dove, slid and chased after balls, our youth fumbled, tripped or merely watched the ball run by while pointing at someone else to collect it.
the bare truth of the matter is that we had no place being the semi-final, a spot we only stumpled upon at the misfortune of others. the bare truth of the matter is that, like always, australia were the side who were better trained, better prepared, better played and that is why they deserved to win.
a team that was once the most feared in tests and one-dayers alike, had been reduced to being champions of a format of the game considered to be a joke by pundits of the sport. and today we lost out on that title too. we might point and laugh at other teams (india in particular) for faring worse than us, but atleast they are and will be held to strict inquisitions. what awaits our players on returning to the homeland? another commercial for a hair product or for a soft drink.
go green, go !
Glueinthedark says that this is the team's work, life, leisure. basically their whole world, and that we should cut them some slack. sadly, i disagree for if that were really true, then it would show in the way they played the game. the only comprehensive victory was in the opening game, that too against bangladesh- a team considered inferior to ours.
if our team really did spend considerable time preparing for this tournament, then the top batting line would click rather than fall (or rather collapse) after accumulating a meagre amount of runs. butt displayed the only sign of consistency in a batting line-up that is regarded as an expert in this format of the game. and ironically, butt wasnt even considered as for being part of the squad during the initial team selection process.
alright fine, ill give in to the fact that batting might not have been our strength as of late. and one could find some comfort with the likes of sami, asif, amer, tanvir, gul forming our bowling attack. yet, pakistan chose to sport a predominantly spin line-up. where new zealand's pace bowlers troubled pakistan with bouncers and short-pitched bowls, afridi and hafeez got clobbered for runs. surprisingly, razzaq went for the least amount of runs and he hasnt even been a stable part of the team lately. so where does all this time the team spent preparing for the tournament show ?
well the logical guess would be in their fielding. and that would be a very smart guess, considering the average age of the squad being around the mid-20s. but where the old and aged of other nations dove, slid and chased after balls, our youth fumbled, tripped or merely watched the ball run by while pointing at someone else to collect it.
the bare truth of the matter is that we had no place being the semi-final, a spot we only stumpled upon at the misfortune of others. the bare truth of the matter is that, like always, australia were the side who were better trained, better prepared, better played and that is why they deserved to win.
a team that was once the most feared in tests and one-dayers alike, had been reduced to being champions of a format of the game considered to be a joke by pundits of the sport. and today we lost out on that title too. we might point and laugh at other teams (india in particular) for faring worse than us, but atleast they are and will be held to strict inquisitions. what awaits our players on returning to the homeland? another commercial for a hair product or for a soft drink.
go green, go !
Sunday, March 28, 2010
*sparkle* Robsessed *sparkle sparkle*
ok so easter is just around the corner- a time for candy, skimpy bunny costumes and kids. yayyy!! thank god this holiday isnt illegal. although i could do without the kids bit.
speaking of things that should be illegal, robert pattinson is a name that certainly comes to mind. why this joker is still around, i have no idea. how he became a celebrity is even more baffling to me.
his acting skills are non-existent. i know he was in one or two of the potter movies, but they killed him off because he sucked. i mean you must be really bad if harry's odd, goofy ginger sidekick has starred in more movies than you.
and then there are the twilight movies. all he really does is mope around for 90 minutes and then sparkle in the sun for a few seconds towards the climax. i know he's stuck as a teenager but he's supposed to be 300 years old. stop being an emotional, suicidal teen and act your age, goddamnit!!
so acting skills are out, how about looks ?
well when you hear the word, “celebrity”, you think of glamorous, clean cut, put together people like george clooney, john stamos, johnny depp. you definitely don’t think of them looking like they’re homeless. homeless, thats exactly what robert pattinson looks like with his oily, scruffy hair and a look of dumb-fuck on his face. i honestly think he's on the fast track of becoming the next joaquin phoenix.
now i understand it can be hard to get a measure of how exactly i feel about robert pattinson, so i decided to dr seuss it for you internet. here goes:
'i hate rob patt on a plane, i hate rob patt on a train. i hate rob patt here and there, i hate rob patt everywhere. throw your rob patt against the wall, kick your rob patt while it crawls. these thoughts i think i must, but wrong i know i trust myself to stop to it. but i cant. so ill continue this rant.'
anywho, so is robert pattinson really famous ? well he might think he is famous. but hes not famous. he is synonmous with the word douche, but certainly not famous. thats what makes him douchebag of the day. scratch that, douchebag of the decade.
speaking of things that should be illegal, robert pattinson is a name that certainly comes to mind. why this joker is still around, i have no idea. how he became a celebrity is even more baffling to me.
his acting skills are non-existent. i know he was in one or two of the potter movies, but they killed him off because he sucked. i mean you must be really bad if harry's odd, goofy ginger sidekick has starred in more movies than you.
and then there are the twilight movies. all he really does is mope around for 90 minutes and then sparkle in the sun for a few seconds towards the climax. i know he's stuck as a teenager but he's supposed to be 300 years old. stop being an emotional, suicidal teen and act your age, goddamnit!!
so acting skills are out, how about looks ?
well when you hear the word, “celebrity”, you think of glamorous, clean cut, put together people like george clooney, john stamos, johnny depp. you definitely don’t think of them looking like they’re homeless. homeless, thats exactly what robert pattinson looks like with his oily, scruffy hair and a look of dumb-fuck on his face. i honestly think he's on the fast track of becoming the next joaquin phoenix.
now i understand it can be hard to get a measure of how exactly i feel about robert pattinson, so i decided to dr seuss it for you internet. here goes:
'i hate rob patt on a plane, i hate rob patt on a train. i hate rob patt here and there, i hate rob patt everywhere. throw your rob patt against the wall, kick your rob patt while it crawls. these thoughts i think i must, but wrong i know i trust myself to stop to it. but i cant. so ill continue this rant.'
anywho, so is robert pattinson really famous ? well he might think he is famous. but hes not famous. he is synonmous with the word douche, but certainly not famous. thats what makes him douchebag of the day. scratch that, douchebag of the decade.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Purgatory
there he stood, by the water's edge, only the wail of the wind and his thoughts to keep him company. his thoughts of her, for that was all that remained of her.
he could still remember that day as if it were yesterday. their eyes had met across the crowded room. for him, it was love at first sight. he was taken over by the delicacy of her features. her brown eyes brightened up the room. her gentle, timid smile made his heart skip a beat. he felt her silent gaze pierce his heart and touch the very depth of his being. like a phantom, she had flown across and captured his heart.
and now she was gone. and the coldness was her final gift. there was no other tale to tell. every day is a lie. that he is slowly dying, that is not a lie. how does he prepare for the day when every memory is gone ?
days turned to months and months to seasons, yet no respite. every place he sought refuge, brimmed with her memory. he missed her in the changing of the seasons. he missed her at the rise and fall of the sun. in the passing of time itself and he hated himself for it all. for not being able to let go.
they had all lied to him. made empty promises of how the passing of time would ease his pain. rage and grief still lingered. the constant ache of loneliness was ever present. all emotions had faded into nothingness, only to be replaced by a haze.
the night is so still that he forgets to breathe. the dark air gets colder, the howl of the wind growing louder. he wonders if it is too late for him. if change is inevitable. he scowls at the world, thinking of all the lives. the lives that go on while he still drifts in purgatory.
twisted and torn, he walks off into the night with his mind rambling.
he would never forget her, for she still managed to captivate him.
he would never forget her, for he still loved her.
he could still remember that day as if it were yesterday. their eyes had met across the crowded room. for him, it was love at first sight. he was taken over by the delicacy of her features. her brown eyes brightened up the room. her gentle, timid smile made his heart skip a beat. he felt her silent gaze pierce his heart and touch the very depth of his being. like a phantom, she had flown across and captured his heart.
and now she was gone. and the coldness was her final gift. there was no other tale to tell. every day is a lie. that he is slowly dying, that is not a lie. how does he prepare for the day when every memory is gone ?
days turned to months and months to seasons, yet no respite. every place he sought refuge, brimmed with her memory. he missed her in the changing of the seasons. he missed her at the rise and fall of the sun. in the passing of time itself and he hated himself for it all. for not being able to let go.
they had all lied to him. made empty promises of how the passing of time would ease his pain. rage and grief still lingered. the constant ache of loneliness was ever present. all emotions had faded into nothingness, only to be replaced by a haze.
the night is so still that he forgets to breathe. the dark air gets colder, the howl of the wind growing louder. he wonders if it is too late for him. if change is inevitable. he scowls at the world, thinking of all the lives. the lives that go on while he still drifts in purgatory.
twisted and torn, he walks off into the night with his mind rambling.
he would never forget her, for she still managed to captivate him.
he would never forget her, for he still loved her.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Typecast
Youth In Revolt, another typical micheal cera movie where he wakes up in morning after NOT getting laid, goes through day after day NOT getting laid and the movie ends with him NOT getting laid.
as bad as being typecasted is, there can still be some variation if you happen to be an action hero. you can play a vietnam war vet who kills without prejudice, renegade cop who yells obscenities has he kills all the badies single handedly, a half-man half scorpion creature. heck you even get to play the tooth fairy ! now thats variety.
no such luck for cera. his movie career seems to be a running of groundhog day, except that he is no bill murray. poor bastard.
yes, the last few weeks have been pretty slow.
as bad as being typecasted is, there can still be some variation if you happen to be an action hero. you can play a vietnam war vet who kills without prejudice, renegade cop who yells obscenities has he kills all the badies single handedly, a half-man half scorpion creature. heck you even get to play the tooth fairy ! now thats variety.
no such luck for cera. his movie career seems to be a running of groundhog day, except that he is no bill murray. poor bastard.
yes, the last few weeks have been pretty slow.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Avatar Mania
ok so with all this talk and praise about avatar and how it has become the highest grossing movie of all time, i thought i too should jump on the avatar wagon. only that my wagon is hitched in the opposite direction. from an entertainment perspective, i am quite disappointed with the movie. the story lacks originality, drags on and is predictable.
avatar is what you get if the blueman group, dances with wolves, the masai tribe and a dozen pack of skittles all came together.
'hey panda, so what if james cameron ripped off pocahontas, dances with wolves, the new world and firekind ?!! the movie is still a visual masterpiece. an orgasm for the eyes !'
perhaps. but just like an orgasm, its not something you can sit through for 3 hours. atleast i couldnt. it was like having a cake made entirely of chocolate frosting. or being beaten on the head with a rainbow- just too much of a good thing.
no wonder people walked out with depression and suicidal tendencies.
avatar is what you get if the blueman group, dances with wolves, the masai tribe and a dozen pack of skittles all came together.
'hey panda, so what if james cameron ripped off pocahontas, dances with wolves, the new world and firekind ?!! the movie is still a visual masterpiece. an orgasm for the eyes !'
perhaps. but just like an orgasm, its not something you can sit through for 3 hours. atleast i couldnt. it was like having a cake made entirely of chocolate frosting. or being beaten on the head with a rainbow- just too much of a good thing.
no wonder people walked out with depression and suicidal tendencies.
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